Maybe There Is Hope
by alpinia
Summary: A story about Carter, Abby and their complicated lives. Abby has to make some hard decisions.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything.**

**Author's note: This is my first fanfic. Please be gentle on me :) ****Also, I speak English as my second language. Please excuse me for the mistakes I might have not noticed. I have tried my very best, though!**

**About the fanfic: It is not exactly based on the actual ER storyline. I have borrowed some elements, but I'm not necessarily using them the same way as they are or were in the show. **

**Feedback is always welcome :)**

**Chapter 1:**

****

Susan Lewis made her way to the women's room. "God it is hard to find time to empty one's bladder in this cursed hospital," she angrily murmured while walking towards the toilet booth. She stopped by the door, when she heard silent sobbing from the booth next to the one she was going to enter. She hesitated for a moment, but couldn't resist her curiousity.

"Is everything alright in there?" she asked.

"No. No it isn't," was the tired reply she got after a long silence.

"Abby? Is that you?"

"Yeah."

"What is wrong? Why are crying in here?" Susan asked worriedly.

"This... This is wrong with me," Abby said sliding something under the door.

"Abby! Is this what I think it is?" Susan cried out before she even took the item for a closer inspection.

"Yeah... bingo," Abby said letting out a suppressed laugh accompanied with a sniff.

"Oh gosh," was all Susan could say when she noticed the positive result of the pregnancy test Abby had given her.

"Tell me about it," Abby sighed.

"How? What? I mean when? Abby help me out!"

"Well, it isn't like I had anything like this planned, far from it. It just obviously happened somehow."

"Did you tell Carter about it? Does he know already?"

"How could I have? Besides, I think he isn't very interested in how I'm doing at the moment anyway."

"Why not? I thought you two were together?"

"Yes indeed, were. I kind of... umm... threw him out so to speak."

"What? When? Why?" Susan asked in disbelief.

"It is a long and boring story. Believe me, you don't want to hear it."

"But I do!"

"Well ok, but can we do the talking somewhere else than here" Abby sighed and flushed the toilet.

"Oh yes, you are absolutely right. This isn't the place where I would like to discuss about my life either," Susan said half smiling, half seriously.

Abby walked out of the booth to find confused looking Susan staring right at her. Susan wasn't sure if she should give Abby a hug or just let it be. She knew Abby didn't like people being too emotional towards her. She had this wall around her – only a few people had been able to break through it. Susan, so far, wasn't one of them.

"It will be alright," Susan said and put her arm on Abby's shoulder. She figured it was a safer option than hugging her.

"I don't know about that..."

"You'll see. What time are you off today? Maybe we could go for a cup of coffee or something?"

"Around 9 PM."

"Great. I'll meet you at the lobby at 9:15. OK?" Susan asked.

"Sure, why not."

"See you then! Oh and, you might want to throw that test somewhere else – before the rumors start flying around. You know how fast it happens here," she said pointing to the test she had left on the sink. With those words she left Abby standing alone in the women's room. Abby's news had come as such a big surprise to her that she had even totally forgotten why she had entered the restroom in the first place. Now she was just hurrying to her next patient again.

Abby was supporting her body to the sink. She thought she would collapse if she let go. She really hadn't been preparing herself for a shock like this. She had thought she had eaten something bad, but now the pain in her stomach had turned out to be something else. How was she going to solve the situation? If only she knew.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Abby stood outside the ER, waiting for Susan. She was late, but that wasn't something out of the ordinary. They usually brought in a patient in critical condition, just when one was about the leave home after a long shift. She supposed Susan was a victim of such a happening at the moment. Abby didn't mind about waiting. She wasn't in a hurry. What would she do at home anyway? Dwell on her misery? Drink the only wine bottle she had left in her apartment? It was a tempting idea, but she knew she shouldn't touch the bottle. Carter had thrown away all the alcoholic drinks he had found in her apartment, except for that one wine bottle. Abby had been able to hide it well enough from him. She wanted to keep it for a rainy day – just in case she would ever need it.

She had fallen so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice Susan, who had walked next to her.

"Abby! Drop that cigarette! You know it isn't good for you," Susan commented intentionally loud.

"Susan! Are you trying to kill me or what?! I didn't hear you coming."

"Well, from what I can see, you are already off to a good start yourself. If you continue that way, you will get a screaming baby, who won't shut up without a nicotine shot," she said seriously.

"I know, I know, but who says I'm even going to have this baby?"

"Abby, what the hell are you talking about? Of course you are! Quit with the nonsense, please."

"Why should I bring yet another fatherless child into this world? Tell me one good reason."

"I can hardly believe what I'm hearing," Susan said letting out a deep sigh. "I thought you would have been happy about this. And what are you talking about a fatherless child? Of course your child would have a father. Do you think Carter would deny his child?" She continued.

"He made it pretty clear to me that we have no future together, when he returned back to Africa. Honestly said, I think he is right. I wouldn't like him to come back only, because my lousy birth control pills failed me."

"This is going to take more than just one cup of coffee. What do you say if I cook us a dinner? Chuck isn't at home today, so we could talk in peace and quiet."

"Well, I don't have any better ideas at the moment, so why not. I'm not so much looking forward to going home anyway."

"Let's walk to my car then," Susan said, already half across the street.

**Susan's apartment:**

"Excuse me for the mess. Chuck has a bad habit of leaving everything lying around," Susan said apologetically while she was picking up Chuck's dirty shirts from the couch.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not one of the tidiest people on earth either," Abby admitted.

"Please, sit down. Would you like to drink something? It is going to take a while with the dinner."

"A glass of orange juice would do miracles right now."

"Coming right up!" Susan answered and rushed into the kitchen.

Abby sat on the corner of the couch. Susan had a nice home. The way it was decorated made it seem warm and cozy. She especially liked the light green curtains Susan had in the living room.

It didn't take long before Susan showed up with two big glasses of orange juice.

"Here you are," she said offering one of the glasses to Abby.

"Thanks," Abby said.

"You know... I was thinking while I was in the kitchen... I was thinking that I should tell you something as well," Susan cautiously started.

"Oh? What is it then?"

"Well... Chuck and I... we are going to have a baby too," Susan confessed.

"What? Really? That is nice to hear!" Abby said happily, forgetting her own situation for a brief moment.

"Yeah... I just thought you should know about it... since we are kind of in the same situation."

"How far along are you?"

"About 14 weeks now. It is still kind of new to me. I'm only slowly starting to realize it that I'm pregnant."

"Wow. This really was a surprise," Abby smiled.

"I wish you could be happy about your pregnancy too," Susan said trying to change the focus back on Abby.

"If it was under other kind of circumstances, I know I would be happy. There is no doubt about it, but if I went to Carter now... telling that I'm going to have his baby... I would just mess up his life."

"I know Carter for a long time. I think he would be a great father. Even if it would first come as a shock to him. I seriously think he would never let you end this pregnancy. Abby, he has the right to know..."

"Even if he has, I also have the right to decide what happens to my body."

"I'm almost starting to wish you never showed me that pregnancy test. If you feel like this, why did you even end up telling me about it? Wouldn't it have been the best not to tell anyone? Then you could have done whatever you wanted and no-one would ever have known."

"I wasn't planning to tell anyone, but then you showed up there. I just got a sudden feeling that I have to tell about it. If you had showed up a few minutes later, I think I wouldn't have told anything. It was just a fragile moment at that time... Susan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have messed you up on this. It is not your problem anyway."

"Well, there is no way back anymore. I know and that won't change. I just wish I could help you somehow," Susan sighed.

"Believe it or not, you have already helped by listening me. I may not take the advice in very fast, but you have at least given me a few good points to think about."

"So do you promise to think about your situation a little more?"

"I think I have no other choice at the moment."

"Will you tell Carter?"

"No, not now at least. He is so far away that I think I can't even reach him. Besides, what could he do about it? It isn't like he would fly back to Chicago in an instant. I suppose Weaver knows when he is coming back. I might just as well wait until he is here again."

"Do what you think is the best. Just don't end this pregnancy too hastily. I know how you feel about it right now, but maybe you will change your mind after a few days of thinking. Give it some time, Abby. Please?" Susan asked with a slightly pleading voice.

"Yes, ok. I promise to think about it, but please don't ask me to promise anything else."

"This is fine for now. It wasn't for nothing then, this conversation we had," Susan said smiling.

Abby answered her with a small smile as well. She felt better than she did in the afternoon. She didn't regret it that she had decided to tell Susan about the pregnancy. Susan was a friend she could trust. She knew she wouldn't tell a soul about her secret.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: This chapter's happenings take place during the same day as in the previous chapter. It is a short chapter this time. Next one will be longer. I've already written it, but I have to edit it a little bit before uploading :)

Chapter 3:

Abby closed the door behind her. Her apartment looked so cold and empty in the darkness. There was nothing worse than coming home to an empty house. She still missed seeing Carter sitting on the couch, watching the sports channel. It had been so nice, when there was someone waiting for her to come back from work - someone who would greet her with a kiss and ask how her day was.

Without switching the lights on, she shoke her shoes off and went straight to her bedroom. She was so tired that she didn't even feel like showering before going to sleep. She just put on her pajamas and dove under the warm blanket. But as much as she wanted to fall asleep, it turned out to be wishful thinking. She couldn't get her thoughts away from the baby or Carter. She now wished more than ever that she had never sent Carter away. Why did she have to be so cold to him? He just kindly came to her, asking for forgiveness. If she had accepted his apology, they could still be together. Instead, she had turned her back on him and asked him to return the key to her apartment. At that moment it had seemed like the only reasonable solution. She was hurt and she didn't want Carter to hurt her more. Had she known Carter would return back to Africa right away, maybe she would have said or done something else. She had thought they could have slowly sorted things out, to re-build their relationship. Carter had chosen otherwise. He had run away, like so many times before. And now there was this baby. How could this happen? Why did she always get pregnant at wrong moments? She had already gone through one abortion and that was an experience she would never forget. Could she just do it again? Something in her heart told her she shouldn't, but her brain thought otherwise. She would really need to take the time and think through all the options she had – just like Susan had advised her to do.


End file.
